Hello Fear,
It’s time we sat to talk. You did not give me a notice, but rather chose to creep into my life and cripple me. You have pushed me away from realizing my potential. You have pushed me away from accepting who I am to always seeking validation in other people’s opinions of me. You have taught me to play it safe, saying that risk is rather too averse and dangerous for me.
You’re not all that bad, I’ve got to admit. For triggering in me to jump to save me from that gas explosion, from preventing me from drowning the first time I jumped into the deep side of the pool, for making me protective of the precious material assets that I possess. But now, you have gone too far. You have started messing with my social life.
Because people tend to laugh at me most of the time because I’m not like them, you tell me to act like them so that I wouldn’t be laughed at. You tell me to stop sounding outlandish, to stop talking about quantum physics, to stop analyzing deep text in front of everyone, and to stop thinking out loud because my way of thinking doesn’t appeal to the people around me.
You have even justified yourself by using morals. You tell me to stop thinking about myself but should consider the feelings of others as much as mine. So much that I can’t end some of my friendships because I’m afraid of hurting the other party’s feelings. You have taught me not to be blunt with people, but to be “nice”, “polite”, but you really meant to say euphemistic because a tad of all your intents were just so that I impress people– of course, to avoid rejection
You have taught me that all negativity is a curse and all positivity is a blessing. That every pain or hurt I feel is not meant to happen. You have taught me to run away from these negativities by all possible means and run to the embrace of what you call, positivity. For instance, that time you told me not to tell Efua that I liked her because she might say she doesn’t like me and I might get upset. So to effectively avoid getting upset, it was better I said nothing in the first place.
Indeed fear, there is a reason why you are the most interesting of setbacks that have challenged me recently. You are interesting because you’re not an emotion born out of instinct like those of love and hatred and what-have-yous. You are an emotion born out of pure logic, making bare to my eyes dangers of certain choices I decide to make.
Now I know all your tricks and antics. I’m not going to sit back down and let you have the best of me. All you have told me is “don’t do this” and “don’t do that”. You have never suggested to me to do something. You cripple me, you don’t inspire me. Instead of stabilizing me with your rationalizations, you rather cause me to tremble.
In the wake of this almost dying moment you have caused me.
erm.. lemme rephrase that:
I mean, in the wake of this almost dying moment I have allowed myself to encounter with you, I have to assert that there is nothing in this world I must fear, except for you yourself. And from now, I’m going to have that same reaction and repulsion towards you that you have caused me to (actually, I have allowed you to cause me to) have to every good opportunity that has come my way.
Adios,
sucker
Imago Dei 